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darker_phoenix
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Parsifal
Did you end the relationship by going silent on him?
If so, that's usually not the best way to do it. It's never nice to be left in the dark.
I only hypothesize that posiblity because you wrote: "Now that i I haven't replied ..."
Best to bring closure by sending a message saying that you feel that you won't be a match.
If I've misunderstood, apologies.

As for your current situation I'm not sure what to suggest. Sorry. Maybe it will just blow over. Let's hope so. I suppose that this kind of harassment is illegal. If it persists do you feel comfortable notifying the police?
darker_phoenix
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Parsifal
There is a way to get him to go away.
It's a question of finding the right words/strategy.
It can be anywhere from a polite "no thank you" to a "If you don't fuck off I'm coming over there and will cut your balls off!".
fangtastic
Why haven't you had him arrested? It seems like a no-brainer to me.
ATD
Sounds like someone I used to know...

Best bet, report his number to your carrier as sending abusive messages and see if you can have it blocked. They will offer you a free change of mobile number, but that is a whole load of hassle you don't need.

Keep all the texts, and if he won't piss off, report him to the local constabulary.
Dark_ph0enix
Firstly: Make sure you keep copies of all the message you've sent to him, as well as copies of the messages he's sent you. Message him through Facebook, stating that you feel threatened by his comments / actions, and asking that he refrain from contacting you in the future, or defaming you to other people. Keep it calm, refrained but at the same time, to the point.

If he continues to harass you, contact your local police station, and explain the situation to them. Take in the copies of the messages, as it'll help you explain the chronology of events.

Tell your family that if he approaches them they're not to answer the door - they're to ask him politely to leave. If he refuses, tell them they have to phone the police.

If he approaches you directly - tell him you're only willing to talk to him, if it resolves the situation. If he refuses, or comes across in any way aggressive, phone the police immediately.
YORKSHIRE GUY
I think I would try texting back "Sending abusive and threatening messages is against the law. If you send any more to me, I will go to the police."

Then if you get any more - do it.
Okto
Ignore him. Completely.

He's hugely dramatising your not replying to him and using you as somewhere to vent his own personal drama. After all he doesn't even know why you stopped texting him. Could have lost your phone or had some personal drama that distracted you, so he's just being paranoid because he has some issue or another. Considering you hardly know him, I'm sure it's all about him. So why get involved with his drama. He wants attention and he's getting it by being over the top. If you ignore him he will go away, but if you respond in any form, he will think that more drama makes for more attention for him. So, don't respond. If you have, you'll just have to be more persistent now in ignoring him until he realises you don't care any more, because previously being louder and crazier worked, so he'll now try that a bit longer before giving up.

Usually if you spot these people early on and ignore them from the start they go away pretty fast, because it's probably not even you they want to argue with, they just want someone to argue with and will test people until they find one.
darker_phoenix
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PUllio
You have my deepest sympathies.

Be really careful about giving away your phone no. You might end up having to change it, and get a secret one, as I did.

Some of these cranks are just outlandish.

If he stops soon, you should be allright, though.
Parsifal
QUOTE(Okto @ Mar 29 2012, 16:41) *

After all he doesn't even know why you stopped texting him.

That may be the cause of the whole problem right there.
The details still seem a bit vague so I'm making some assumptions.
If you've dated someone more than a couple of times then just going silent is about the worst way to end it. A simple message/text explaining that you're no longer interested should be enough to bring closure. If that was done and the guy persists then the next best action is to ignore him. After all, you've already told him why. If he still persists then you may need to go to the police. It's never nice to be left in the dark after a couple of dates with someone. We've seen enough agony posts on here describing that same situation.
Okto
QUOTE(ParsifalNYC @ Mar 30 2012, 03:21) *

QUOTE(Okto @ Mar 29 2012, 16:41) *

After all he doesn't even know why you stopped texting him.

That may be the cause of the whole problem right there.
The details still seem a bit vague so I'm making some assumptions.
If you've dated someone more than a couple of times then just going silent is about the worst way to end it. A simple message/text explaining that you're no longer interested should be enough to bring closure. If that was done and the guy persists then the next best action is to ignore him. After all, you've already told him why. If he still persists then you may need to go to the police. It's never nice to be left in the dark after a couple of dates with someone. We've seen enough agony posts on here describing that same situation.


I'm not sure they've even been on dates, sounds like it's just a number swap after meeting in a club?

However, assuming they have been on a couple of dates, I still wouldn't think it right for him to assume anything about why the messages stopped. I did once go a on a date with someone and got really ill a day or two after, so didn't reply to any of her texts and when I recovered had a phone full of crazy abusive messages. I had been looking forward to catching up with her again until I discovered all this. So, assumptions I think reflect a lot on the attitude and worries of the person making them. I have given people who didn't call or text back the benefit of the doubt and heard from them later with some kind of explanation for not responding earlier.
Astron
What a cunt.
Don't let him get to you. hug.gif
Parsifal
QUOTE(Okto @ Mar 30 2012, 04:37) *

QUOTE(ParsifalNYC @ Mar 30 2012, 03:21) *

QUOTE(Okto @ Mar 29 2012, 16:41) *

After all he doesn't even know why you stopped texting him.

That may be the cause of the whole problem right there.
The details still seem a bit vague so I'm making some assumptions.
If you've dated someone more than a couple of times then just going silent is about the worst way to end it. A simple message/text explaining that you're no longer interested should be enough to bring closure. If that was done and the guy persists then the next best action is to ignore him. After all, you've already told him why. If he still persists then you may need to go to the police. It's never nice to be left in the dark after a couple of dates with someone. We've seen enough agony posts on here describing that same situation.


I'm not sure they've even been on dates, sounds like it's just a number swap after meeting in a club?

However, assuming they have been on a couple of dates, I still wouldn't think it right for him to assume anything about why the messages stopped. I did once go a on a date with someone and got really ill a day or two after, so didn't reply to any of her texts and when I recovered had a phone full of crazy abusive messages. I had been looking forward to catching up with her again until I discovered all this. So, assumptions I think reflect a lot on the attitude and worries of the person making them. I have given people who didn't call or text back the benefit of the doubt and heard from them later with some kind of explanation for not responding earlier.

There are many different kinds of situations, each with its own solution.
But when possible, bringing closure in a kind way avoids the other person making assumptions and possibly feeling left in the dark without explanation. It's a simple and courteous thing to do and avoids possible problems later on.
Okto
QUOTE(ParsifalNYC @ Mar 30 2012, 20:46) *

There are many different kinds of situations, each with its own solution.
But when possible, bringing closure in a kind way avoids the other person making assumptions and possibly feeling left in the dark without explanation. It's a simple and courteous thing to do and avoids possible problems later on.


Considering his behaviour, I doubt he was ever going to be the kind of guy who would take any kind of refusal well. Otherwise, yes, I see your point, it may help with some people.

I'm still a bit adverse to it sometimes however as the number one reason why I turn people down is having felt they were pushy in some way, and saying no to pushy people is very rarely a simple matter. The second major reason is having found them immature. So, I usually find myself wanting to say no to people who are largely exactly the kind of people who normally don't take no very well.

Anyway, I don't crumble if someone doesn't return my call, I usually just spend a few minutes thinking it disappointing. I think there are the things we do to other people and there are the things other people do to themselves and hold us responsible for. People who find it difficult when someone they don't know well doesn't call them back need to ask themselves, why are they projecting their self worth on to the views of people they hardly know and who hardly know them? Not go complaining to the person who didn't return their call.
Parsifal
With some effort I think we understand each other. hug.gif
darker_phoenix
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spikeeboy
I've been looking in to this kind of thing a lot recently and the general consensus seems to that ignoring them is the best way. Otherwise you just end up feeding their attention seeking.

Pretty much what has been said earlier, but I just thought I'd confirm it a bit more. He'll soon stop.
YORKSHIRE GUY
I can't believe anyone would be so stupid as to send these. sad.gif

I feel sorry for anyone who is so pathetic as to send them.
CherryBoomBoom
Yeah I don't get it either.
I mean are you supposed to just go oh well if you insist I suppose I'll still go one dates with you. And then the next time they see you they are all just sweetness and light?


Has he stopped dp?
darker_phoenix
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sexyy1010
Urgh, what a fucking nutcase.

Don't worry too much. His threats are empty and he is totally unreasonable.

You could have him nailed to the wall before he even says BOO to a goose (if he did try something stupid, which he won't)

One day, he'll get locked up for being a complete dickhead.

- This once happened to me. He actually followed me home. Days later when I was in Tesco with my parents he was stood down the aisle watching me. That night he sent me a message saying he knew where I lived and he'd out me.
When I asked what he wanted, he said 'a chance to prove I'm the right guy for you' Baring in mind we'd spoken
on two occassions. In a pub and at a Starbucks.
ingleberry
Bitch needs to back off.

Srs.

Hope he's left you be
John84
QUOTE(CherryBoomBoom @ Apr 1 2012, 21:59) *

Yeah I don't get it either.
I mean are you supposed to just go oh well if you insist I suppose I'll still go one dates with you. And then the next time they see you they are all just sweetness and light?



I don't get how people can be so frigging damaged and weird. I've had a couple of people do the crazy-person insanely-texting thing, it's just so fucking bizarre.

DP I hope you're free of the nutter.
CherryBoomBoom
It happened to one of my mates (slightly less intense) a few weeks ago and that guy was only 17, so whatever is wrong with these people it sets in young.
phallus
I think some people are just brought up to think bullying works. He's probably hoping you'll be intimidated into changing your behaviour. Obviously doesn't know you as well has we do lol_2.gif

That's probably why ignoring works. If you react in any way you just reinforce the bullying behaviour.
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