Hey guys, only me. So, I might have mentioned about this friend in some of my other agony posts. Now, I am beginning to get pissed off with them. There was period where they got really, really intense and latched onto me, almost up to the point of proverbial suffocation. We became really close in an unnaturally short space of time. I didn't want to let them down, so everything they asked of me, I did. They used to text me and want me to leave my house at night at the drop of a hat to meet them and talk about this guy they were meant to be seeing. When I got there, they didn't say anything and were just generally miserable. I used to text them/ chat online and say how much I valued them as a friend and how much they meant to me. They'd reply with yeah, yeah right, oh right etc. Basically, monosyllabic answers. I really wanted to impress them in a way, and bent over backwards to ensure I did. I never once declined a request they made. However, aspects of their personality really began to emerge that I don't like. They were rude to my parents when they came round mine. My parents would say hello and they wouldn't say hello back and just look away, not out of shyness I might add. When I went round theirs I was always pleasant to their parents/siblings. One time, I said my parents would pick me up after a meal with said friend, and it got to the time my parents were due to pick me up and they completely ignored that fact! Instead, their mum drove me back, just because they didn't like the fact I had to leave at a certain time.
Another time I was meeting them in town and I got a lift. The traffic was bad and I kept texting them to say I'll be there soon, and they were like couldn't you have walked? when I got there. They were also like great all the shops have shut now so I can't look around them, and I had said to them on my texts, go around the shops without me before I get there, if I am a bit late. I was grateful for the lift and they just got really rude with me. Finally, recently I've been suggesting that we meet up with an old school friend who has gone to uni. This was before Christmas, so I said let's set a date before Christmas. They were like oh one weekend, I'll see. We still haven't met up. Plus, the other night they were like do you want to come out and I was like no I don't feel too well, and they were like oh right, well i'm going out with my family then. We always put two xx on the end of texts and then when I said I felt ill, it went to one x. Any ideas about them? Thank you

Is they a he or she? Helps to know that so as to gauge if there's a sexual interest to be taken into account.

Yes, writing about someone in the third person plural has got me very confused, I'm afraid!

Sorry for not being clearer guys, it's a she.

Thanks for the clarification.

I'm sorry things aren't going the way you'd like. Sounds frustrating and at times hurtful.

You list various incidents, in some of which your friend could be said to be behaving offhand. That's how some loose friendships are. And it's how some people prefer them, not wanting to be in each other's pockets. Your friend seems though to take it a step further, not least by switching on and off. Question has to be, what makes you persist? What do you feel that you and she are each getting out of this? How do you think she sees you?

TBH, I think you need to find some way of exploring what each of you is after, then judging whether it could work out for you.

Thank you very much for replying Tris, much appreciated. I seemed to have mislead you once more. She knows I am gay, so there's no chance of a relationship. Sorry if I lead you to believe I was bi Yeah, I get what you mean about loose friendships. More like acquaintances? Yes, I think Katy Perry's Hot N Cold sums up their attitude towards our 'friendship'. They are very good questions, and unfortunately I don't think I can provide definitive answers. I came out to her and then all of a sudden we sort of became really close in a short space of time. I really trusted her, and I suppose by coming out to her and not some of my other friends, I felt that she was the only 'friend' I could turn to. However, recently coming out to one special friend has given me time to re-xxxxuate my friendship with said friend. The person who I recently came out to understood more than anyone and they are a true friend, I would do anything for them. They mean the world to me.
Anyway, back to the 'friend'. I think I didn't want to say no to them in case they turned on me. Deep in my heart of hearts I knew there was something that I couldn't warm to. There were aspects of their personality that the more I got to know them, the less I had in common with them. What really made me annoyed was how rude they were to my parents, just plainly ignoring them. My parents were very welcoming and they couldn't even have the decency to interact with them. I thought at first it may be shyness, but after several occasions of this occurring, it seemed it was just ignorance. Plus, I forgot to mention in my first post, that I made all the effort contacting them, whether it be online, text, whatever. Everyday I would text/chat online and ask them how they were etc. It was always me who made first contact. I tested them out and didn't text for a few days, and they didn't bother to contact me. And, I know it wasn't through lack of internet access or credit/contract whatever. I don't really know where to progress from here. I feel like I've made a rod for my own back, and now when I am just realising their true colours and want to back off, they are getting miserable with me when I don't meet their requests. Thanks

Mmm. Sounds like she needs you when she needs you, whilst you're looking for something more consistent. I find your need more normal but, hey, there are a lot of people out there who are different. Being rude to someone's parents is being gratuitously offensive. I'd certainly take her to task her about that kind of thing.

Take care.

Yeah, exactly what I have begun to realise. If her requirements with me are more inconsistent, how should I go about the friendship? I am a consistent person, so for somebody to just pick me up when they need me, and then drop me like a ton of bricks when they don't, I find that really infuriating. I think most 'friends' require a substantial amount of consistency, otherwise you're not really friends, in my eyes anyway. There isn't an emotional connection with her, like my other best friend. In fact, the more I look at her personality, the more of an antithesis she is to my persona. Yeah, with my parents, it's not just when she has been at mine, it's also when we have bumped into her when we are out. She just mutters or grunts an unenthusiastic "Hi", doesn't smile or make eye contact with my parents. They smile and say "Hello, how are you?" etc. I don't know how to pull her up on that though. Thanks for replying

If you really want to persist with this friendship then why not say something like "Do you dislike my parents or something? It's just that you don't seem very friendly towards them. It upsets me and (probably them) when you are like that with them."

Hey, thanks for replying stretchmonkey. That's the thing, I am beginning to see this 'friend' as nothing more than an acquaintance. In fact, since I haven't been in so much contact with them, I have felt relieved. They just became so intense and we were in each other's pockets for months and then recently over the past weeks it's just sort of fizzled out. Mainly, because I've actually taken a step back and realised what they have been treating me like. I feel such a mug at times. But, now I have asserted myself a bit and I am not going to bow down to their every request. I'll have to see how it goes. I don't really want to bring up the issue of being rude to my parents in case they turn round and say I am not because then I would feel like a fool. I also have a feeling that they could turn on me if I confront them too much. Sorry for being so difficult.

That sounds like an excellent line to me. Clear, reasonable and direct.

Use what you also said about finding it infuriating when someone picks you up when it suits and drops you like a ton of bricks when it doesn't.

Okay, she might say tough, that's how I am. If it comes to take it or leave her, only you can decide what to do.