Bit of a difficult situation really, I'm really into a lad at work but I don't know if he likes guys AND I'm not out so therefore can't really instigate anything.

Obviously if I was out I'd be able to be a lot more forward in my investigation into his sexuality but at the moment I have to just try and gauge it from his behaviour. He's not camp but he is very touchy-feely with me and sometimes even smacks my arse and when he was drunk in the past he's grabbed my cock through my jeans - but he's only 18 and I find this sort of behaviour seems to be usual between teenage lads these days so could mean nothing? I know he's a virgin as well as he's admitted this, but again doesn't mean he's gay.

I get on really well with him as a friend but would love to take it further, just not got a clue how to do it. Best scenario would be for him to come out making it easier for me to confide in him but that's probably not gonna happen soon, if ever.

Are you anywhere near the stage of feeling comfortable enough to come out? Perhaps he would confide in you.....

That'd be great but it's such a massive risk and not one I feel anywhere near comfortable taking unfortunately. At this moment I can't ever see myself as being out and I think the only way I'd ever have an experience with a guy is if they made the first move on me and even then I'd have to trust them a lot to reciprocate and blow my cover.

Do you mind if I ask how old you are? You can PM me that answer if you like

26. Yep I know, too old to be closeted.

No way man, don't even think that way. I have spoken to gay guys in their 30's and 40's that aren't out. I have friends in their late 20's who still haven't told their parents they SMOKE! There's no normal age for it, just whenever is comfortable for you. Every situation is different/unique, and eventually (hopefully), you'll get to the point you can come out

I'm not sure about how to handle this guy. Yeah, I could give you some examples of how I broached the subject with guys in the past (both before and after I was out), but I would never give that as advice - it could go horribly wrong

I would concentrate on getting yourself to a place in your life where you felt comfortable enough about coming out, before anything else. I mean, even if this guy was gay and did come out.....do you just want to be the closet gay he is shagging/using until something more comes along?

I know, not the advice you were after, but having no advice on the topic at hand, I wanted to offer something

Thank you, you make sense!

And yeah, right now I think I would settle for being his closet gay if it meant some action But I know long term it's not the best idea and could damage my self esteem. Though on the other hand it could lead to something special and spur me to come out.

All very unlikely though. I need to get him drunk, see if he's one of these who spills his true feelings!

Well....alcohol certainly served me well with these sort of guys in the past, but I would never offer that up as advice

your not alone soaps similar problem with a guy i work with only the situation is slightly different. i am 22 in the closet never done anything with a guy i class myself as bi i do fancy girls/women have had some pleasureable time with them in the past(not many have major confidence issues and fears of rejection not the kind of guy who pulls random girls in a club) and no doubt will do again but on the whole more attracted to men physically anyway

i've worked with this guy for over 2 yrs he's fit as they come pretty boy but works hard at the gym really nice guy though doesn't trust people easily. it can be like trying to get blood from a stone at times the fact the we work in different departments meaning we have lots of little banter conversions/interactions(messing up each others hair/punching each other on the arm etc) rather than many deep and meaningful ones meaning were not that close but defo are closer now than we ever have been. whenever we do have a proper conversation it seems to be in the changing rooms when no else is in there (how homoerotic lol)

anyway he's had at least 1 girlfriend in the past which lasted for about a year i think so i was pretty sure he wasn't totally gay. over the last few months we have started getting closer and at the same time he turned down a girl we work with a few times who is quite fit and basically offered herself on a plate and his excuses were pretty shit, i still didn't really believe he might actually be the same situation as me but it made we wonder slightly whether he was and he did like me though it was more wishful thinking.

fast forward to last week and quite a few people from work were going out for someone's leaving doo i never really spoke to the person or his close group and they were from "fit guys dept" and no one else from mine was going. anyway on the day of the leaving doo "fit guy" rather than normally saying hello to greet me decided to slap my arse and tell me i loved it and of course unbeknown to him he was bloody right. throughout the day he nagged me constantly to come out that night not something he has ever done before and he was taking a couple of mates with him anyway as well as most of his department being there so why did he care so much if i was there does he possibly like me after all?

in the end despite his endless badgering i didn't end up going despite initialling telling him i would i decided to make a getaway and then he only goes and ends up getting jiggy that night with the said girl mentioned before which leaves me (i) extremely jealous and gutted (ii) wondering whether he did actually like me in the same way i liked him but gave it up after i got off without telling him and didn't go and have merry times.

i realise this dosen't help you at all soaps but it was just great to able to get it all off my chest hope your situation works out better than the direction mine appears to be going

That's interesting to read and actually I'm in the same position to you as that I'm not exclusively attracted to guys. I've had some experience with girls and have enjoyed it but I find myself lusting after more lads than girls, but unfortunately have never had a gay experience.

Your guy sound a bit similar to mine except yours is more successful with the ladies whereas my guy doesn't seem to get much/any attention and is a virgin. He talks about girls all the time though so he could be straight and just desperate to pop his cherry or could be all talk.

It sounds a bit like that you are hoping that we will come out / come onto you, but you aren't prepared to do the same to him.

Given your respective ages, it might be that he expects you to take the initiative.

Relationships can we a bit awkward in the workplace, but I'm sure you have thought of that.

Good luck.

Too old to be chasing after an 18 year old at work maybe.

Can't you drop some hints? Like ask him if he has a girlfriend? Or someone?

How do you know he's a virgin? Did he say something about his interest in girls/boys at the time?

Oh sorry double post!

That's certainly a good point.
Especially as the lad seems inexperienced.
Is he mature for his age in other ways?
If he'd been round the block a few dozen times, it'd be different.

There are easier ways to get some sex...............

Like going to Brighton?

Throw some water on him, if he melts he's A GAY.

Oh no wait, that's witches. Wear this t-shirt to work, stand next to him, and see what he does....

The next time he grabs your cock. Grab his

I think those quotes answer your agony. Either wait for him to make the first move, or forget about it. *shrugs*

The only way anything might ever happen realistically is if first of all you concentrate on getting to know this guy better and build up your friendship. Do you have many social events on the horizon where alcohol is involved? This is probably the best way to socialise with him. Do you think there's any way you can maybe ask him out for a drink one on one at the pub? I know it seems really cliche, but alcohol is the best way to get him to open up. I don't know how you can, but if sex and relationships ever comes up as a topic of conversation, you could maybe drop in that back in the day you once thought you were bi or something. He shouldn't really get offended at the idea of you being bi (or gay for that matter but you can't tell what people are like these days).

So yes, I realise this is a load of shit. In conclusion,

A) do more social things with him if you can to build up a friendship.
if you feel comfortable doing so, try initiate a conversation about sex etc

It's going to take some time, but nothings going to happen unless you take a big risk.

can i just say your username made me laugh


to the OP ive been in a similar situation and nothing is really going to happen unless one of you makes the first move and opens up and lays all their cards on the table..and that person is probably going to have to be you.

I don't think the age gap should be considered a problem, that's a little narrow minded. He's not immature as such, naive and inexperienced yes but we do have a great laugh together.

I know he's a virgin because he admits that he is whenever the subject has been brought up.

I guess I'm the one who's gonna have to try and make moves as I'm the one who actually wants a result, however I need to weight up if it's worth the risk really.

Thanks for the advices.

Sorry for the bump, this is still going on and my feelings are getting stronger to a point where I can barely stop thinking about him. I tried to distance myself and I haven't contacted him outside of work but it doesn't make any difference.

I feel like I want to admit the truth to him but I want to have the option to disregard it as a "joke" if he doesn't reciprocate. We have a very jokey/banter filled friendship as it is so I'm wondering if I drop some hints but "pretend" to be serious (even though I am being!) and try to gauge a reaction, then laugh it off if I think it's going tits up... would that work?!

I've never been in this kinda situation, but it seems to me like it might be a bit risky to suggest it and then try to back track.
Unless it is only suggested completely banterously, which I guess kinda defeats the point?

Not sure. It just seems like a bit of a risk, which could result in it being a more public/common knowledge thing, which it sounds like you don't want?

That's true, it could be hard to find the balance between banter and being serious with me actually wanting to swing either way depending on his reaction.

I should've come out years ago, would be so much easier!

Just come out now. Don't do it in a predatory way and judge his reaction.

I like this word

It's never going to be easy, but from my experience with my mates, people who banter about it are people who will have no issue with it.
For 7 years at school everyday there was gay banter and whatnot, and then when I told my mates they were all cool with it, and now the banter is even funnier!

If you're ok to tell him, and are prepared for the risk that it could become 'office gossip' or something, then that seems like the best move I think.
Hope that somehow helps? Good luck


Me too SL

If you are 26 and still havent come out to anyone, I really think you need to. I don't want to sound nasty, I just think you will look back and regret it when you are older if you waste time hiding in the closet and missing out on life.
You don't have to come out to the world, just a few people and take it from there.
I came out at 23 and regret not doing it sooner, I missed out on being out at uni, could have had so much fun. I was scared that all my friends and family would reject me if I came out, but of course they didn't and it has strengthened many of my friendships with people and has led to so many cool things happening to me. (Meeting cool friends, not just getting to suck cock!)
This guy probably seems a lot more appealing, just because there is some fantasy for you in something happening.
I think you should perhaps just sign up to gaydar, go out on a few dates with guys, nothing sexual and this will make being gay more comfortable for you.
Tell a girlfriend you are gay, she will love it and bobs your uncle, you have started to come out!
Good luck, I hope it all works out :-)

Thanks for the post. I know I need to come out, I realise that more than anything but I just don't want to because I feel like the reaction I will get will be worse than just staying in the closet for the rest of my life. My parents would be disappointed and have made homophobic remarks in the past so there's a chance they'd disown me. With my friends, it'd be like backtracking on the past 10 years worth of denying it - obviously very embarrassing.

I've decided based on that I can't make a move on this guy, or any guy, until a time when I might ever feel comfortable enough to share my sexuality with others.

That is the most important thing to remember.

It's all well and good people who are out of the closet urging you to come out but you shouldn't rush it if you yourself don't feel like you are ready for any of various reasons. You need to do what is right for you and be happy with whatever decision you make.

Dear God!

Did you read the OP's post.



As the "rest of my life" is getting shorter and shorter, you've just condemned yourself to the closet FOR LIFE!



And? Assuming they did - and I'd bet a pound to a penny they won't - don't you need to lead an independent life at your age. But it's a good padlock on that closet door - really tough to get out of.



So they already suspect (or why "deny it"?). Actually they'll be fine - you should be more embarrassed that you are continuing to lie to them, not tell the truth for once. But it's another great padlock!



So you want to die a virgin? I hope dixie is happy with this. My counsel is to get out there, grab yourself a real feller (forget this fantasy man) for some sex and then make an informed decision about the rest of your life.



The final padlock goes on, courtesy of a fellow gayer.

Well, that wraps it up for this thread. Tough on Soaps but hey!

Soaps, there has to be a first - maybe it is him!

I have given advice before about being groped at work, secretly loving it, but cannot say it at the time and not sure how to react.

If a lad you fancy gropes you, say "Oi, don't touch what you can't afford!"

He will say something like, "I could afford you any time." (You say "Hope you've got an empty credit card")
or he says "How much will it cost me?" (You say, "A beer after work will probably do it!")

If he cannot think of a quick reply, he will probably just laugh and when he has thought of a reply will do it again. You say the same thing, "I told you....don't touch what you can't afford." He will then come out with his off the cuff quip that he has been working for hours on.

If it is just banter and he is not serious he will say "Forget it," or "I don't think you are worth anything!" Either way it's the brush off but the thing is you can both laugh about it and you will still be friends.

Thanks jamesjez I may give that a go!

At this stage, although I am still attracted to him I'm finding the feelings less intense and he doesn't fill my every thought as he did a few weeks back... maybe the crush is fading?

I'm actually beginning to think about another guy too now, also from work. This makes me sound like a terrible sleaze, but this other guy is only just 17. He's cute as hell though and is also being touchy-feeling and flirty with me too, he grabs my face and calls me cute etc. but I can't tell if it's just playfulness or he likes me... I seriously need to get a job where everybody is over 21 haha!