Suspected child abuse in the family, Is it better to be safe than sorry? Options

[Unilad]

Hi

I've just had my grandmother inform me of her concerns regarding my five year old second cousin (lets call her Jane). Who she suspects is being physically abused and perhaps even neglected. According to her, she has also seen Jane with a black eye. She has approached the mum (my first cousin, lets call her Mary) and it caused argument, denial and so on. 'She fell down' was one response.

On a personal note, last year I escaped a life long of child abuse and domestic violence. So I am afraid I am allowing my emotions get a better of my more rational judgement. The obvious advice would be, speak to my Auntie who is my 2nd cousin grand mother. Trouble is she is mentally unwell, wouldn't even respond properly if there was a fire in the house...

My uncles are highly charged emotional people themselves. They will rush in, shout, demand answers and cause fights. This is based on their ill attempts of past 'family interventions' on other issues.

I could approach her myself, but admittedly I am holding back because she'd go mental and immediately refuse to talk to me for almost an eternity. She has that much pride. Not to mention it will cause untold arguments from here on in...

What would you do?

[CyanIsland]

If the only injury seen is a black eye I'd be extremely wary about making any accusations. It is perfectly logical that the child could have fallen down and caused that injury. You need more than that.

[dixie]

Would it not be best to somehow talk to the child to try to find out of anything is happening before going to adults who could take it very seriously if it's just an accusation?

[Struan]

You or otherfamily members should just try making a few visits without advanced warning so you can see what things are like when they don't have chance to prepare.

[fangtastic]

The obvious and proper thing to do would be to phone the NSPCC and Social Services and protect this child. If I were in your shoes and I had even a slither of a feeling about the potential abuse of a child then I wouldn't be fannying about asking my auntie's uncle's twice lost cousin to get involved - I'd have the proper authorities involved. But then I couldn't live with myself if I did nothing and that child suffered any more or ended up dead.

[Astron]

The obvious and proper thing to do would be to phone the NSPCC and Social Services and protect this child. If I were in your shoes and I had even a slither of a feeling about the potential abuse of a child then I wouldn't be fannying about asking my auntie's uncle's twice lost cousin to get involved - I'd have the proper authorities involved. But then I couldn't live with myself if I did nothing and that child suffered any more or ended up dead.

No that's a horrible advice, not with that thin evidence. It could split the family forever.
Little children hurt themselves all the time. My niece is five years old had everything from a little scratch to a broken leg and not because she gets abused but because she runs, climbs and jumps a lot like most children.
I'm not saying ignore it but try to figure out if there is more to it, speak to the girl as someone else suggested and with the parents ask them how the injury came to be.
One single injury just isn't enough to suspect anything more serious than an accident.
Why did your grandmother run so quick to this accusation? Why does she think the child is being neglected as well?

[slayersw]

Why have you not even thought about talking to the child about this. This is all about her.

I'm with Astron. I have nieces and nephews of all ages. And they are always hurt in some way. As was i growing up.

Hope this gets sorted and it really is nothing bad.

[fangtastic]

The obvious and proper thing to do would be to phone the NSPCC and Social Services and protect this child. If I were in your shoes and I had even a slither of a feeling about the potential abuse of a child then I wouldn't be fannying about asking my auntie's uncle's twice lost cousin to get involved - I'd have the proper authorities involved. But then I couldn't live with myself if I did nothing and that child suffered any more or ended up dead.

No that's a horrible advice, not with that thin evidence. It could split the family forever.
Little children hurt themselves all the time. My niece is five years old had everything from a little scratch to a broken leg and not because she gets abused but because she runs, climbs and jumps a lot like most children.
I'm not saying ignore it but try to figure out if there is more to it, speak to the girl as someone else suggested and with the parents ask them how the injury came to be.
One single injury just isn't enough to suspect anything more serious than an accident.
Why did your grandmother run so quick to this accusation? Why does she think the child is being neglected as well?

It could split the family forever, but frankly that's a risk anyone should be willing to take to protect an innocent and vulnerable child. The relatives (hell, the social workers) thought Baby P and little Victoria were just hurting themselves.

If there's nothing for the professionals to find then there will be no harm done. And don't forget that you can be anonymous so there's no need for anyone to know that you were the one to do the right thing.

Just think how you'd live with yourself if this child is killed. And don't try and talk to the child herself - you're not trained to do that, you're not an expert and the last thing you want to do is tip off potentially abusive parents that someone's onto them - the consequences for the child are too horrific to think about.

[Astron]

Baby P is an extreme case and hopefully and rare exception. but also the child was in hospital multiple times and had severe injuries over and over again not just one time, there is no comparison to the case here.
I also don't see why someone has to be trained just to ask a child how it is doing and where it might got an injury from.
You can not call fire every time a kid has a scratch, you simply can't.
Parents all over the country would never leave the house with their kids every time they have a bruise. Which as it's been said is a given with small children.

[dixie]

It could split the family forever, but frankly that's a risk anyone should be willing to take to protect an innocent and vulnerable child.

Splitting the family could also come in terms of having the child taken in to care and away from the family, and while some people may see that as a good thing, having experience of people who have been put into foster care, it can really fuck a kid up, which is not the aim here.

The most important person in this whole thing is the child and is who should be focused on. Make sure the child is okay before doing anything .