My new nephew Options

[diabeticguy]

I have known my beautiful, handsom and very funny 18 year old nephew for 6 months. My brother had a kid that nobody knew about. I am trying very hard to make up for lost time and look forward to seeing him every fortnight. He is now working as a security guard. His boss is a wildly funny gay guy (his words) who keeps coming on to him and luring him to his home. My nephew is such a polite guy that he takes it in good humour and enjoys the ribbing.

I don't like the sound of it.

Am I over protective or jealous. I am not yet confident that we have the relationship that I look forward to having with him and am slightly upset at the relationship he is having with his boss. He is straight BTW.

[Kev]

Am I over protective or jealous.

Only you can answer that.

[Route_King]

You said your nephew has said that his boss is a funny guy, and that when his boss makes jokes, he takes it in good humour and actually enjoys the ribbing. It sounds like you're the one who has the problem with it and that your nephew doesn't have any issue with it at all.

[diabeticguy]

I think I do have a problem with it. I just don't understand 18 year old people. Things that are probably normal for kids of his age really wind me up. He has been with foster parents for 18 years and I have been treading carefully and certainly don't want to upset him with my irrational grouchy behaviour. I fear fucking this up but feel that is the way it's heading.

[PadSpin]

Sounds like you're a tad jealous of his boss.

So what are you worried about?

That you may say something you'll regret?

BTW does he know you're gay/bi?

[Astron]

I don't get what is there that could wind you up? I don't see anything he is doing as an 18 year old that an older person couldn't understand.

[Route_King]

I think I do have a problem with it. I just don't understand 18 year old people. Things that are probably normal for kids of his age really wind me up. He has been with foster parents for 18 years and I have been treading carefully and certainly don't want to upset him with my irrational grouchy behaviour. I fear fucking this up but feel that is the way it's heading.

What sort of things that 18 year olds do annoy you? Just trying to figure out what the issue could be.

[PUllio]

I don't think you should interfere. Your nephew can look after himself and you should focus on your relationship with him, not what he is doing with other people.

[YORKSHIRE GUY]

Sounds like it's banter and that your nephew is comfortable with it.

I suppose you could ask him if he is comfortable with it.

[ATD]

Would you have an issue with it if his boss was just a "wildly funny guy" as opposed to a "wildly funny gay guy"?

Most 18 y/o these days don't have an issue with people being gay. With the little info you have given it sounds like the issue is yours.

[Rustythedog]

Would you have an issue with it if his boss was just a "wildly funny guy" as opposed to a "wildly funny gay guy"?

Most 18 y/o these days don't have an issue with people being gay. With the little info you have given it sounds like the issue is yours.

And would you have an issue with it if his boss was just a "wildly funny guy" as opposed to a "wildly funny straight guy" and your nephew was gay and you suspected his boss was trying to "reform" him? Neither of them seem to think sexuality is a barrier to getting along.

I'm not clear what your question is actually about. Clearly, someone feels threatened, and I don't think it's your nephew or his boss.

This post has been edited by Rustythedog: Jul 31 2012, 15:45

[diabeticguy]

I do have a problem. I am jealous.

I see this beautiful, intelligent, funny boy that I adore and I am trying to rush through the last 18 years that I have missed with him. I am envious that he has acquaintances that 'get him' and I seem not to be able to get over my demons and enjoy the experience of being with him. I want to lighten up and have him leave me on a Monday looking forward to seeing me again, not dreading the next visit.

[PUllio]

So there you have your answer.

You have no reason to be jealous of anyone. Remember you're his uncle forever and blood is thicker than water. Who knows if his affection for his wildly funny gay guy employer will last, these teenage mancrushes tend to be fleeting? You're building a relationship for the future.

In which there is no room for jealousy. You're just unsure of yourself because this nephew is new in your life. Try to be confident and remember that your place is unique and safe.

[diabeticguy]

So there you have your answer.

You have no reason to be jealous of anyone. Remember you're his uncle forever and blood is thicker than water. Who knows if his affection for his wildly funny gay guy employer will last, these teenage mancrushes tend to be fleeting? You're building a relationship for the future.

In which there is no room for jealousy. You're just unsure of yourself because this nephew is new in your life. Try to be confident and remember that your place is unique and safe.

Thank you so much.

[Okto]

I do have a problem. I am jealous.

I see this beautiful, intelligent, funny boy that I adore and I am trying to rush through the last 18 years that I have missed with him. I am envious that he has acquaintances that 'get him' and I seem not to be able to get over my demons and enjoy the experience of being with him. I want to lighten up and have him leave me on a Monday looking forward to seeing me again, not dreading the next visit.

I think you should relax and not rush. Because you can learn about the past 18 years, but due to the situation you can't be part of them - it's just how it is. However, it's no good to decide things that cannot be changed are wrong, as it leaves you nowhere to go from here. Your only option to feel more comfortable about this may be to reconsider how you see the situation. You could see it as having lost 18 years, or as being fortunate to discover about him now and having the chance to be part of now and the future.