Cheating BF, Shud i forgive him. Options

[Gaga86]

Okay here it goes. i have been seeing this guy for few weeks and have fallen for him. We met on a dating website and decided to meet after about a week of swapped messages, he seemed like a really nice guy, easy to talk to, on a same wave length as myself and basically he made me laugh. Basically the qualities i love for in a guy. He told me he had a holiday booked and was going away then in 3 weeks time. He said to me that he would cancel it if i wanted him to, but i never make anyone cancel there plans or holidays just for me, its not in my nature, everyone has to get on with there lives and basically the world does not evolve around me.

So over the next 3 weeks prior to his holiday, everything was going, we had sex, good sex, mind-blowing even and we got on like a house on fire, i thought that it cud go somewhere and i thought so did he. He was so caring, held me close wen i was scared, dried my tears when i cried and i though he was utterly charming and i cud see myself with him.

So the night before he went on holiday i went to his flat and we cuddled and had the goodbye-see-you-in-two-weeks-im-gonna-miss-you sex, which was again mind blowing. When it came past midnight i ordered a taxi and left to go home, i was missing him already, even though i only left him about an hour ago.

Well the 2 weeks started and gone, it seemed more that 2 weeks that he was away, more like 2 months and i really missed him. Anyways, he called me the minute he landed and i said i would come up and see him when he get backs to his flat. He asked me to hold off for a few hours so he could rest and i did so. So a few hours later i arrived at his flat and he let me in and wen threw are arm around each other and got down a dirty if ya know what i mean. After our session, he went for either a shower or the toilet. So lying in his bed i happen to look at the floor and say a piece of folded paper and unfolded it. On the piece of paper was a guys phone number with, the message "i really enjoy our hot nite, your dynamite in bed".

I was so so so angry and got up and got dressed ordered a taxi and just i hung up he come out of the bathroom and he asked me were i was going. I held the piece of paper in front of him and opened it and read it out to him, he was shocked that i had found out what he was up to on holiday, and he apologized over and over again. I was so mad, that when the taxi arrived i left his flat and jumped into it.

He texted me the next day saying he was so sorry and it wont happen again, but the thing is, cause i have fallen for this guy i dont know either to forgive him or tell him its over.

Please help, my mind is all over the place and don't know what to do.

This post has been edited by Gaga86: Jul 28 2012, 03:26

[Parsifal]

Despite the hot few weeks before his holiday it was too soon to be a committed relationship.
And yes, he will do it again. It could be that the two of you are not on the same page about that.
Forgive him for now and see where it goes. If you don't like where it goes then drop him. But not yet. Have a good talk with him, but don't do the guilt thing. That won't be good in the long run.

[saintly_boy]

Was it already established that you were boyfriends before he went on holiday? Sounds like you've not been going out very long...

[Astron]

Well he apologized so it's not like he thought you were being unreasonable or what he did was okay (weather or not he meant it or was only trying to smooth things out is actually irrelevant).
You can try to start over and take things (a lot) slower this time but alas I agree with Parsi, he doesn't seem to feel the same as you do.

[YORKSHIRE GUY]

Was it already established that you were boyfriends before he went on holiday? Sounds like you've not been going out very long...

True.

And if you forgive him, you must draw a line under it. You can't keep bringing it up if you have forgiven him.
Maybe you need to sit and talk about whether or not you want to be a couple and exclusive or not.

[thespunkpup]

I'm not an expert, but it would be easier for you to decide how you move forward if you are able to find out the reason(s) behind why he did what he did. Maybe he was planning one last holiday and then thinking of trying to move things on with you and maybe settle down with you when he got back (a bit like a groom on his stag night). Maybe it was a case of that old chesnut, where 'it just happened' - after too much drink and a bit of flirting (will he always be like this after too many drinks and what if you've gone to visit family and he's gone out clubbing on his own?). Maybe he's never going to be fully satisfied by just one man and that he'll always be looking for someone else for more (again, not a criticism - we don't all want the same thing out of life and relationships). Maybe he thought it was just sex with them rather than emotional commitment and didn't really matter as it was out of the country and not going to impact on a relationship back home. Maybe another reason. As I say, I think I would find making a decision a bit easier if I felt I understood why they'd done it, as then you have more of an idea if it's likely to happen again and, if it is going to happen again, whether that's something you either can cope with, maybe adjusting the perameters of your relationship to allow the odd extra-curriculur dalliance or, as you seem to really love this guy, it would be understandable if you would find that such behaviour would make you feel too jealous and you'd rather cut the ties now rather than put yourself through the hurt of him possibly seeing another guy sometimes. Either way, it's a huge decision for you, but has to be based on what you feel, what you want from a relationship, what he's likely to provide in and want from a relationship, etc.

From my own experience, finding my boyfriend of 11 months was shagging another man (or men?) made me move out as either I should be enough, or we should have had a discussion where we both decided that one man wasn't enough for us - a discussion which never took place.

Good luck making your own decision though. Feel free to drop me a line if you want to talk over things.

[Parsifal]

but alas I agree with Parsi

I'm not an expert, but it would be easier for you to decide how you move forward if you are able to find out the reason(s) behind why he did what he did.

He was on holiday and was horny.

[Astron]

but alas I agree with Parsi

I thought alas just means something like "in the end of the day". A trip to the dictionary tells me it isn't so.

[Chris]

Too much too soon babe, if it wasn't, then you wouldn't be so shocked or upset that he had a shag on his holiday.

Talk to him, tell him how you feel and ask him if he wants to be exclusive, if he does great, if not... let it go as you're clearly really attached to him already.

Just don't be tooo reliant on him too soon!

[Route_King]

I would forgive him and draw a line under it. You haven't known him very long and it seems far too soon to have rushed into a serious relationship.

[PUllio]

He seems nice enough, and he seems to like you.

Personally I would not be that upset, you seem to be his number one and that is all one can hope for, guys will always think about shagging somebody else and a lot of them will do it if they can, one cannot really own somebody.

[sexyy1010]

Its sounds like you've fallen for him hard and fast.

I'd be very careful if I was you. Because how much can you really have experienced with one person in what sounds like a very short space of time?

If he's cheated once, though. He can do it again. Tread carefully.

[Gaga86]

Its sounds like you've fallen for him hard and fast.

I'd be very careful if I was you. Because how much can you really have experienced with one person in what sounds like a very short space of time?

If he's cheated once, though. He can do it again. Tread carefully.

I think you cud be right, is it i fall in love to easily or am i just kidding myself into a false sense of security

[Struan]

In future perhaps go for one that offers it up less quickly. If he is quict to offer it to you it is not so surprising he is quick to offer it to others.

[Parsifal]

a lot of them will do it if they can, one cannot really own somebody.

And a lot of guys will make an honest commitment only to faced with an irresistable one-time opportunity while on holiday (and no one will find out ). It happens.

If he is quict to offer it to you it is not so surprising he is quick to offer it to others.

That doesn't necessarily follow.

[Tush]

we had sex, good sex, mind-blowing even

held me close wen i was scared, dried my tears when i cried

When it came past midnight i ordered a taxi

i arrived at his flat and he let me in and wen threw are arm around each other and got down a dirty if ya know what i mean.

the message "i really enjoy our hot nite, your dynamite in bed".

I held the piece of paper in front of him and opened it and read it out to him

This is a real story? sounds like a Hollyoaks style drama to me...

[Struan]

a lot of them will do it if they can, one cannot really own somebody.

And a lot of guys will make an honest commitment only to faced with an irresistable one-time opportunity while on holiday (and no one will find out ). It happens.

If he is quict to offer it to you it is not so surprising he is quick to offer it to others.

That doesn't necessarily follow.

It is not always going to work out that way but if the guy in general moves to sex quickly then any slips could happen just as rapidly.

[Astron]

a lot of them will do it if they can, one cannot really own somebody.

And a lot of guys will make an honest commitment only to faced with an irresistable one-time opportunity while on holiday (and no one will find out ). It happens.

That's a contradiction in itself and not a trade I'd be looking for in a boyfriend.

[Okto]

a lot of them will do it if they can, one cannot really own somebody.

And a lot of guys will make an honest commitment only to faced with an irresistable one-time opportunity while on holiday (and no one will find out ). It happens.

If he is quict to offer it to you it is not so surprising he is quick to offer it to others.

That doesn't necessarily follow.

It is not always going to work out that way but if the guy in general moves to sex quickly then any slips could happen just as rapidly.

I think they are distinct situations and people will deal with them differently. I've had sex with people anywhere from the first week I've met them to after months of dating. I don't feel any need to rush to it, but also if I'm single, I don't feel any need to wait either. However, I do see your point in some ways, people who have sex with someone quite quickly may not see it as such a serious thing, but that doesn't mean they're more likely to have sex with someone else while in a relationship. Having a more relaxed view about sex doesn't inevitably mean a more relaxed view about relationships or that someone won't take a relationship as seriously.