I Married a Dormouse, Other half just sleeps all the time Options

[stretchmonkey]

Okay, so I've been reading too many Daily Fail headlines...I'm not actually MARRIED to my oppo, but after 17 years together we're pretty settled. And he's not actually a Dormouse, he's a human.
He has a stressful full time job (which he really enjoys) and I work part time for myself in a non-stressful job.
We have a pretty much non varying routine which consists of him coming home around 7.20 (after gym). Me getting din dins ready and then we watch a soap at 7.30 and have a bit of a chat whilst shovelling food down our gobs sat on the sofa. By about 8.20 he's lolling on the sofa, tongue hanging out asleep, leaving me effectively on my own again. I miss him all day and look forward to seeing him but i feel i hardly have any time with him. I keep poking him and waking him up all the rest of the evening, with me shouting "For God's Sake, make an effort and stay awake!!" but he just sinks back into torpor, before dragging himself off to bed at 10pm.
Am i just a selfish git? Telly's not so much fun on your own.
He's pretty much the same at weekends, so it's not like he's should be really tired still on a Saturday or Sunday. The thing is, *I* often feel drowsy myself, I have a physical job, plus there's my gym training, but i make the effort and shake it off, get up and do something so i'm woken up again. I go to bed about 11pm. Maybe i'm just a boring nagging twat and it's his only way to escape!!!
Advice please!

[AndyJ]

Spooky. Me and my boyf have a similar story! He's a Teacher and gets up at 6 every day and doesn't get back till 5 or 6. I work from home quite flexible hours and don't get up till 9 or 10. Whenever he's back, we'll go to the gym, get back, have some food and then he'll either sleep on the sofa or he'll be working until midnight ish. Weekends are fine after he has a bit of a lie in.

I don't mind it if he sleeps on the sofa as we just snuggle up and I can watch TV. I get a bit sad if he's working all night and I'm sat on my own like a loner but I know he needs to do it and I can watch all the rubbish I like and perve on famous men on the internet

What time does he get up? If he goes to bed at 10, it does seem like quite a lot of sleep. Maybe that's why. I'm always tired if I get too much sleep.. I try and help round the house as I'm here all day as well. I do all the washing and cleaning. And we get long holidays so there is always light at the end of the sleepy tunnel. Do you guys get away much?

[stretchmonkey]

Thanks for your reply!
He gets up at about 5.30 and goes out at 7am...i wake up at 6.30 and get up at 7am. We are both the same age though i am fitter than him physically.
I like that you snuggle up whilst he sleeps and watch telly, but I just feel that I'm alone when he sleeps. I need ATTENTION goddamit!!! lol.
We don't get away much, and we don't get away together. I go to my Mum and he goes to his. His family don't speak any English (He's South American) so it would be awkward anyway. When he gets a week off work he hates it anyway. He likes to keep busy.
I guess i'm kind of annoyed cause i think he could make more of an effort to stay awake, like I do and not just "give in" to feeling sleepy. Even on a saturday when he's had a bit of a lay in, he often goes to bed mid afternoon for a few hours. Like a said, bloody dormouse!

[Okto]

Next present giving occasion he remotely cares about, for example birthday/Hanukkah/Halloween/anything really, there should be only one gift idea on your shopping list - a coffee percolator

[Parsifal]

It sounds like you spend all your time together at home watching tely while shovelling food down your gobs. No wonder he falls asleep. Do you live in a place where you can go out some evenings after work for dinner, movie, theater, whatever? That'll keep him awake. Well, he might fall asleep in the movie or at the theater, but at least you get to wake him up when it's over to go home.

[YORKSHIRE GUY]

Parsy. I think he lives here in the UK so it would be a theatre.

I wonder why he's upfor 90 minutes before he leaves the house. If he could spilt the difference and get an extra 45 minutes in bed (with you) and get ready more quickly, then he might be less tired later on.

I'd imagine this sort of arrangement was ok on weeknights, as long as youhad great weekends and holidays together.

[stretchmonkey]

Next present giving occasion he remotely cares about, for example birthday/Hanukkah/Halloween/anything really, there should be only one gift idea on your shopping list - a coffee percolator

Well, i DO try the coffee thing...as he already has strong Alta Rica type coffee with TWO teaspoons in a cup, then apart from putting amphetamine in it as well I doesnt really do the job. i just think it's more psychological really...last night we were watching a really good film so he stayed awake till 11!

It sounds like you spend all your time together at home watching tely while shovelling food down your gobs. No wonder he falls asleep. Do you live in a place where you can go out some evenings after work for dinner, movie, theater, whatever? That'll keep him awake. Well, he might fall asleep in the movie or at the theater, but at least you get to wake him up when it's over to go home.

Err...we're not those "fun" type of couple. We're the other type. The boring ones.

Parsy. I think he lives here in the UK so it would be a theatre.

I wonder why he's upfor 90 minutes before he leaves the house. If he could spilt the difference and get an extra 45 minutes in bed (with you) and get ready more quickly, then he might be less tired later on.

I'd imagine this sort of arrangement was ok on weeknights, as long as youhad great weekends and holidays together.

Yeah i live i Bournemouth...where even the shop windows are bifocal! (Nah, it's not that bad!) I asked him why he gets up so early..he said it's cause he likes to wake up slowly. Not so bloody slow to fall asleep though!!!

[Struan]

If he is that sleepy all the time is your sex life OK?

[YORKSHIRE GUY]

If he is that sleepy all the time is your sex life OK?

I sounded non-existant.

[Parsifal]

If he is that sleepy all the time is your sex life OK?

I sounded non-existant.

After 17 years it's unlikely to be like it was in the first six months.

[Struan]

Well he might do like some women do and just sleep through it.

[poolielad]

His sleep pattern may be just the amount of work he is doing but have either of you condsidered him seeing a doc for some blood tests? there are a few things that could cause extream tiredness and are easily checked for with some blood tests.

Just a thought

[stretchmonkey]

His sleep pattern may be just the amount of work he is doing but have either of you condsidered him seeing a doc for some blood tests? there are a few things that could cause extream tiredness and are easily checked for with some blood tests.

Just a thought

Thanks for the thought.....he's plenty full of energy in the mornings and all day..he just falls asleep when he gets home and I start talking to him!

Well he might do like some women do and just sleep through it.

TRUST me...no one sleeps through the Stretchmeister's love making!

If he is that sleepy all the time is your sex life OK?

I sounded non-existant.

Yeah, ofcourse you are right....after 17 years there aint no love making in the Stretch household. I think most gay couples end up like that...lust is replaced by love....

Thanks to everyone who replied and gave advice....I think i was really just interested in wether people thought i was being selfish in trying to poke him awake (as it were) continually or just let the poor sod sleep. I'll keep poking!

This post has been edited by stretchmonkey: Jul 9 2012, 13:30

[Parsifal]

Have you tried the striptease act with sexy underwear?
They recommend that to women in straight marriages that have gone flat.

[AndyJ]

If he is that sleepy all the time is your sex life OK?

I sounded non-existant.

Yeah, ofcourse you are right....after 17 years there aint no love making in the Stretch household. I think most gay couples end up like that...lust is replaced by love....

Eh?

[Tress]

What you describe sounds just like a friend. He used to come in from work and fall asleep within minutes of sitting down. If challenged that it isn't exactly normal to fall asleep so quickly, he'd get really defensive and claim that it was because he worked really hard (he'd sleep especially easily at weekends when he hadn't been busy) or he'd describe it as a "power nap". Has narcolepsy been ruled out?

[stretchmonkey]

What you describe sounds just like a friend. He used to come in from work and fall asleep within minutes of sitting down. If challenged that it isn't exactly normal to fall asleep so quickly, he'd get really defensive and claim that it was because he worked really hard (he'd sleep especially easily at weekends when he hadn't been busy) or he'd describe it as a "power nap". Has narcolepsy been ruled out?

I'm no doctor but i don't think it is. He's plenty energetic through the day and especially good in the mornings. I think it's just approaching middle age and a contented life. My initial question was really wether i am being selfish to expect him to perk himself up when he gets sleepy or just let himself drift into oblivion and leave me "on my own" every night.

[Route_King]

To me it's obvious what the issue is...he gets up at 5:30am and doesn't get home until 7:20pm. That's a bloody long day!! Does he go to the gym after work every day? Maybe he could cut that down and like someone else said, he could try getting up a bit later.

[Parsifal]

Or maybe workout at the gym together (if you don't already).

[stretchmonkey]

To me it's obvious what the issue is...he gets up at 5:30am and doesn't get home until 7:20pm. That's a bloody long day!! Does he go to the gym after work every day? Maybe he could cut that down and like someone else said, he could try getting up a bit later.

Yeah he often goes to the gym after work. I suppose he does work hard all day, but my work is PHYSICALLY harder even if i work shorter hours, plus i do all the house work, cooking, washing up etc...and go to the gym too...but i feel i just make the effort to keep awake, ie when i'm nodding off I'll sit up straight or get up and have a walk about (or more likely do chores!) while he snoozes away.