Best Man's speech, Shitting one's self; any advice greatly received :) Options

[nakamura]

Ok so later in the year I have a Best Man's speech, my brother is the unfortunate groom. You would think I have a lot of info on him but even though we are close I have no real hysterical stories to share.

I'm real nervous about the whole thing and suppose I'm just looking for a bit of help with trying to structure and prepare my speech.

I have done a bit of research on the net but tbh most of the opening lines etc are really cheesy and lame. I would rather be original and shite than be cheesy and predictable.

Public speaking is not something I enjoy or have much practice in so on a big day like this I am even more petrified!

[Ollie2UK]

I feel your pain mate. I was my brother's best man (going back 10 years or more now) and was shitting myself about the speech for weeks beforehand.

First off - it doesn't have to be War & Peace. People are surprisingly receptive if you keep it quite short and snappy. Mine lasted 4 or 5 minutes at the absolute tops.

Open up with a little bit of background about how your brother and his wife to be met. Try to find an amusing - but not too risque - anecdote or detail about their dating days. I found an old Valentines card that my brother's wife had sent to him when they first started going out and that provided enough material for a couple of minutes at least.

From there go into the "serious" part about how much they love each other and how it was obvious from the start that they were always meant for each other - yeah, it's a bit corny, but if you keep it brief and say something nice then people will appreciate it. Then from memory I think you thank the bride's father and/or the bridesmaids and toast the bride & groom. Also, if there are any telegrams or messages from people who can't attend, these all take up a bit of time.

As I say, it was a long time ago and I'm a bit fuzzy about the details, but the best advice is not to fret too much. People aren't expecting Bill Hicks to turn up and deliver a stand up masterclass - just a bit of humour (it's a wedding, people are drinking and want to be polite, so they will laugh at most things that are meant to be funny, even if they aren't), a bit of serious "nice" stuff, and then onto the formalities.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll be fine.

[PadSpin]

Very wise words from Ollie there.

It's all too easy to let the enormity of the task overwhelm you.

As Ollie rightly says, keep it brief and light and you'll be fine!

[Boy1der]

I had to do it for my best bud, wrote a short but good speech with a funny jab at the groom, a touching memory etc., memorized the damn thing and then when it was time to give my speech I only got out the first line and blanked and had to improvise what turned into a lousy boring tribute.
The worst part was seeing the crowds look of discomfort and eventual loss of interest. Argh, I still feel weird thinking about it!
The bride and groom didn't mind because they were in their own world and thought it was nice and funny...but it wasn't and they were being kind.
I hope none of my other best buds ever ask me to do this again.
But good luck man, I'm sure you'll do fine.

P.S. the bachelor party I threw was fukin awesome though.


This post has been edited by Boy1der: Feb 3 2012, 03:53

[Parsifal]

Wait until everybody is a bit sloshed before you give your speech.

[Boy1der]

Wait until everybody is a bit sloshed before you give your speech.

I think that was part my problem!

[Parsifal]

Wait until everybody is a bit sloshed before you give your speech.

I think that was part my problem!

The idea is for them to be sloshed and not you.

[AdrienAsche]

Have a couple drinks yourself if you get nervous in front of people. And just know that not a damn one of them is going to remember it EXCEPT your brother. You need not have a funny story. Just convey how much he means to you and that you're thankful for him. So you might have to be a bit vulnerable.

[ic1male]

There should be vids on YouTube that you can watch and get an idea from.

[chabang]

Remember that it is a "family" audience (in every sense of the word) rather than /just/ friends and keep your stories short, snappy and relatively clean. The time his trousers fell down in front of the vicar is fine to retell, the time you caught him throwing up after a 3 day bender with 2 thai ladyboys and had to take him to the clinic to get some anti-biotic is going to upset most of the older relatives and force anyone with kids in to some awkward explanations.

...and keep it short

[AndyJ]

The last wedding I went to, the best man didn't touch a drop until after the speech! He was completely gone about 10 minutes after though..!

Good luck though. I would say stay away from embarrassing stories, it might be a bit weird coming from a brother anyway!

If you're really desperate I'm sure you could pay a writer or out of work comedian if you give them some info!

[nakamura]

Thanks very much for all the replies and advice guys

I remember doing presentations at school and I wasn't very good at them. I guess those bad experiences are the reason why I'm anxious, but that was a long time ago now so I guess I should try to look forward rather than back.

I don't want to just stand up and read from paper because I know this won't sound sincere but I do fear I will crumble on the day and that would be cringeworthy.

I am worrying about things like 'will I be loud enough for everyone to hear me' and 'will I be clear for everyone to understand'. I know I won't get the chance to practice the speech at the same setting.

I have butterflies in my stomach at the thought of it right now and I still have most of the year left to prepare!

But having read all your comments I do feel better so thanks again

[RyanMag]

I have no advice but I wish you all the best for it!!

[PadSpin]

Never have what you're going to say written out word for word because it will sound stilted.

The best thing is to jot down half a dozen 'bullet points' on a piece of card which will help prevent that awkward block as mentioned above.

[Tucky101]

Never have what you're going to say written out word for word because it will sound stilted.

The best thing is to jot down half a dozen 'bullet points' on a piece of card which will help prevent that awkward block as mentioned above.

It is a thankless task and can be nerve wracking. I was quite lucky when I was best man for my brother - we found a school report wih some hilarious lines and he's a big football fan - so getting married on Fa cup final day and not going to a big play off game the following day gave me some "under the thumb/who picked the date" type jokes. Helped that they booked a toastmaster too - he gave me a build up so was less nervous. Good luck.

[PUllio]

Making speeches, like everything else, is only hard when you do it rarely.

I guess brevity is always appreciated, as is being able to get out a coherent sentence (not being drunk helps there). Jokes are always welcome.

In my experience, people tend to be somewhat positive during such an occasion and be thankful even for only mildly amusing or poignant speeches, perhaps because such a lot of people make dreadful wedding speeches.

[jamesjez]

Ok so later in the year I have a Best Man's speech, my brother is the unfortunate groom. You would think I have a lot of info on him but even though we are close I have no real hysterical stories to share.

I'm real nervous about the whole thing and suppose I'm just looking for a bit of help with trying to structure and prepare my speech.

I have done a bit of research on the net but tbh most of the opening lines etc are really cheesy and lame. I would rather be original and shite than be cheesy and predictable.

Public speaking is not something I enjoy or have much practice in so on a big day like this I am even more petrified!

Preparation is the key. Go there with two versions of your speech - one is contained on crib cards where you arrange them in order and each has a key word or two on them to remind you of the order of items in your speech. Using this method, it doesn't look as if you are reading it yet the speech follows in the order you intended. Glance at the top one then put it at the bottom of the pack in your hand.

Then have a second sheet of paper handy which is the full speech. You can then use this if your nerves overwhelm you and even the crib cards don't help. It's not good to read out a speech verbatim but it is preferable to drying up completely.

Finally, the jokes. If you have no genuine funny stories about your brother, put in a few that are made up. For instance, "I am amazed (insert name) is even getting married. When he was younger he was so shy of girls when he bought jelly babies he used to ask for all boys. (Pause) Mind you, he was no fool I suppose, he used to get more jelly that way.."

Start writing the speech now and you can hone it over the coming months.

Good luck!

This post has been edited by jamesjez: Feb 5 2012, 16:35

[Neil6969]

I have done it 3 times (always the bridesmaid, never the bride eh) and the last time was the most enjoyable for my best mate who I have known about 20 years. I hate public speaking too. Like previous posters have put, keep it short(ish) keep it interesting and put a few funnies in there too, dont to anything too embarrassing tho.
Try to pick up on his weak points and expand them into a funny story, if you need any help drop me a message I would gladly help you

This post has been edited by Neil6969: Feb 14 2012, 18:09

[nakamura]

Thanks for the additional replies guys

I've got a bit written down and should have it finished soon. Obviously I can add to it as the months go by but just writing it down has made me feel a bit calmer about things, but I know on the day I will be a nervous wreck.