Open Relationships, I find this sad Options

[LauraJ]

Surprise! Lots of Gay Marriages Are ’Open’

This San Francisco study of 556 married gay couples took place over three years and established that more than half of those surveyed were engaged in some form of open relationship with the knowledge of their partner.

This 2008 study claims that 75% of all succesful male-male relationships are open relationships.

Why is it so hard for gay men to remain monogamous?

[Sam Hain]

*Waits for Parsy to see this*

[Brightonbased]

Interesting topic!

There was a recent verbal punch-up on another thread after Parsifal vouchsafed that to his knowledge gay relationships in New York were more often than not open and a lot of folk disputed the fact. I must say that in my experience in London and South-East England, I know of no open relationships among the half-dozen or so gay couples (one lesbian) we know (although it could just be they are pretending to be monogamous!). The only New York couple I know are also monogamous but they have a young adopted child.

I'm certainly in a monogamous relationship and it works (it's the only way my partner would now play it as he has previously had open or semi-open relationships which he hated and which doomed the relationships). I frankly don't know how I would behave if I had a partner that wanted to play away with or without me but I suspect I would not be able to hack it.

If the story is true (even if New York and San Francisco are exceptions), why can't gays be monogamous? Well, we are men and a lot of men in hetero relationships go looking for more - perhaps we are just more honest about it. The hunter/breeder instinct in men is very strong; why are we all here looking at fit guys? And I suppose if both partners are fully on board and know what is going on and trust their other halves then there should be no harm (???).

[Roger Mellie]

Surprise! Lots of Gay Marriages Are ’Open’

This San Francisco study of 556 married gay couples took place over three years and established that more than half of those surveyed were engaged in some form of open relationship with the knowledge of their partner.

This 2008 study claims that 75% of all succesful male-male relationships are open relationships.

Why is it so hard for gay men to remain monogamous?

I feel it's because many gay men choose/want not to be monogamous, hence the number of open r'ships. As Brightonbased suggest, if both parties in the r'ship know the score and take precautions, I don't see a problem; if there is, they're probably better off single or finding another boyfriend?

Personally speaking, I don't see the point in having a boyfriend if both parties are going to cop off with other people: If I were loved-up, I wouldn't be interested in other blokes, bar window-shopping (at the very most!): For me it would have to a monogamous r'ship, I'd have too much respect for myself and my boyfriend to cop off with other gurs in a serious r'ship.

That's not to say I disapprove of others having open r'ships... in fact I'd be more inclined to go for an FWB than a serious boyf

[paddyirl]

Its men who aren't monogamous, not gays, I saw an interesting article from a french psycologist about how men need affairs like women need children, or something like that.

Sex and love aren't the same thing, sex is a physical thing people do while love is an actual emotion. People always assume they are the same thing. I think you can love someone and have sex with other people.

[Brightonbased]

I think you can love someone and have sex with other people.

Have you tried it?

[Sam Hain]

Its men who aren't monogamous, not gays, I saw an interesting article from a french psycologist about how men need affairs like women need children, or something like that.

Sex and love aren't the same thing, sex is a physical thing people do while love is an actual emotion. People always assume they are the same thing. I think you can love someone and have sex with other people.

Do they? I don't, but if you haven't tried it (I have in a previous relationship) maybe you should, to see how you feel about it then.

I'd rather be monogamous (and we are), but that's us, what others do is entirely up to them!

[ribzy]

Isn't monogamy when be mean to women?

Or is that polygamy?

[Astron]

For frigging f***ing sakes!! Why do people after all those years still feel the need to write about "the gays"; this unknown mystical creature somewhere among our midst.
It's so ridiculous!

With straight people, it’s called affairs or cheating," Colleen Hoff, the study’s principal investigator, told the paper, "but with gay people it does not have such negative connotations

Yes it f***ing has! Cheating is cheating an open relationship is an open relationship.
If the writer doesn't even know the definition of his topic than he shouldn't write about it. It's cheating when the other partner doesn't know about it and it's an OR when the partner knows and approves.
And this whole shit about OR saving the istitution of marriage? Gay people aren't even aloud to marry in America (or in most states)!!!!
And if 50% of "the gays" have open relationships, that means that just as many don't have so stop generalizing.
And what enrages me the most is that they pretend again that open relationships are a gay thing. Plenty of straight couples these day have them, they also have anal sex and they wear pink. Get over it!!!
I need to stop reading topics about gay themed articles, they just aggravate me so damn much!!

This post has been edited by Astron: Feb 8 2010, 17:13

[6y7uh]

Isn't monogamy when be mean to women?

Or is that polygamy?

That's misogyny.

[ribzy]

Isn't monogamy when be mean to women?

Or is that polygamy?

That's misogyny.

Oh yeah.

Silly me, Richard III's a misogny man.

[cinmiester]

Its not because they are gay its because they are men. Men are just raging sex addicts. LOL
The whole lot are pervs and the older they get the more pervy they get.
Somehow I managed to get my bf off the whole addicted to porn thing and it was not an easy task at all. It involves a lot more effort when Im down there to get him off. From licking other parts ( I am not going to say and doing other really kinky things). If he puts a movie on and Im licking his balls and hes jerking off he can cum in like three minutes> LOL

I actually bought him a big tube of vasoline and some new movies for his vacation to Costa Rica as he has all the other 29 memorized and urged him for once to watch them. I know but hey its better than fucking some other chick.

Hes a horn dog he tells me all the time he must cum three times a day for his mental state to keep in check. Hes crazy but I love him. I must say he gives me the same satisfaction. He actually gets pissy if he doesnt get to go down on me everyday and have sex with me everyday. Its not the gays its Men. Men are horndogs. I know this board is mostly men but just accept it. LOL
I do love men and am straight. I do have a tendency to make out with girls while drunk but that is it. LOL

Cindy

This post has been edited by cinmiester: Feb 8 2010, 17:36

[AdrienAsche]

I'm with you, LauraJ. I cannot STAND this "men NEED more than one partner" bullshit. There are plenty of men who have never cheated. I think this myth has arisen from good ol' fashioned misogyny, so men have an excuse if they want to fuck as many partners as they can. "It's not my fault, I'm just a slave to my biology!" I think if a man is strong and decent enough, he can keep from cheating.

As far as the gay community goes, from what I've observed, we seem to be a very sexualized group. The show "Queer as Folk" displays most gay people as in open relationships, and sex to be as casual as exchanging phone numbers. Treating sex as something unimportant leads to this viewpoint that sex is no big deal, and shouldn't be treated as such.

In regards to open relationships themselves, if BOTH partners are okay with it, then there isn't a problem, but I think it's very hard for someone in a relationship to admit it if they really love their partner, but their partner does not want to be monogamous. I also think a lot of jealousy can occur if one partner seems to be having more "open relationships" than the other, and so forth, making a true open relationship difficult, I would imagine.

All of these points, I should note, are tempered with the fact that I've never had a real relationship, so I can't say "I'd never cheat" until I was presented with an opportunity, and saw how I acted. But I feel as though I could be monogamous without any trouble.

This post has been edited by AdrienAsche: Feb 8 2010, 20:38

[6y7uh]

Isn't monogamy when be mean to women?

Or is that polygamy?

That's misogyny.

Oh yeah.

Silly me, Richard III's a misogny man.

Misogynistic man.

[Sam Hain]

There are plenty of men who have never cheated on our fathers

You lost me there old chap...what do you mean?

[ribzy]

Isn't monogamy when be mean to women?

Or is that polygamy?

That's misogyny.

Oh yeah.

Silly me, Richard III's a misogny man.

Misogynistic man.

Oh dear, I should stop embarrassing myself now.
English isn't my forte!

There are plenty of men who have never cheated on our fathers

Eww, that's incest!

[cinmiester]

Im silly please forgive me my hormones are crazy right now.

I have a question for the fags okay my loves here it goes?

My bf tried to get me into porn but it doesnt do anything for me hell say look at that guys big cock what am I supposed to put a vibrator inside and go oh yeah oh yes LOL. I just cant get into it I need real touch. Dont know why I shared this but I did.

I do get jealous when he watches them do you guys get jealous if you come home and find your partner jerking of to gay porn or looking at images of guys in the undress? Ive always wondered this I know it doesnt have anythihg to do with the topic. Or is it more of a personal each to their own thing?

Cindy

[Sam Hain]

Cindy love, could you do us a favour and give us more information about your sex life?
There's a dear.

[jumbler]

And what enrages me the most is that they pretend again that open relationships are a gay thing. Plenty of straight couples these day have them, they also have anal sex and they wear pink.

Too bloody right. I know from work, and from common experience that many young str8 'couples' split up, and find a new partner every 3 months or so. Then again, after three months. And then again after another three months[i]. It's so fucking pathetic.

The only difference that age seems to make is that couples in their 30s/40s seem to meet/split up every 2-3 years. Which while not as bad as every 3 months is still far from perfect.

[cinmiester]

Cindy love, could you do us a favour and give us more information about your sex life?
There's a dear.

I still dont get the Brit humor after all these years. Are you being sarcastic if so Im sorry I am just a very sexual person and havent had sex in a long time like 11 days its been ages.

Cindy