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40 Pages V « < 37 38 39 40 >  
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> Can I tell you a Joke?, a Man walks into a bar and says, "ouch!"
devynethang
post Feb 23 2012, 21:29
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QUOTE(rustyrio @ Feb 23 2012, 14:29) *

I left to go to my boyfriend's flat yesterday at 6:40pm. I got the number 23 bus from Morningside Road and 27 minutes later I arrived on Ferry Road half a kilometre (0.310685596 miles) from his flat. It took 10 minutes to walk to his front door and I passed 2 dog walkers, a jogger and 4 cyclists on the way. When I walked into his room I sat down on his beige hungarian leather sofa which he bought as part of a 3 piece set from DFS in 2006 for £800. It was marked down from an original RRP of £1600. There is a faint stain on the right arm rest where I spilled a Big Mac meal on 21st January 2010. Anyway, he sucked me off and then I fucked him in the ass until I came.

Sorry, that was maybe a bit too much information...

Didn't he cum too? Was he on his back or doggie style? How big is his willy?
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rustyrio
post Feb 23 2012, 22:46
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I'm not writing an erotic novel here, you know. bleh.gif

(Although maybe I should...)
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blake2108
post Feb 25 2012, 20:38
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If Chris Brown was on Take Me Out I wonder if he would punch the girls lights out rather then turn them off?
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ic1male
post Feb 26 2012, 09:58
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Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street , and had a drink in Mars bar.

He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa.

'I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts' he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.

He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.

Soon they were Heart Throbs.

It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.

But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.

Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts!
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joecoleishot
post Feb 26 2012, 10:40
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Astron
post Feb 26 2012, 10:42
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WTF? blink.gif


@IC1
As out and proud sweet tooth I quite enjoyed that one. laugh.gif
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rustyrio
post Mar 4 2012, 21:17
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They say the best thing about internet porn is, there are no pages to get stuck together.

True, but I daren't close my laptop for fear I'd never get it open again!
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devynethang
post Mar 7 2012, 01:17
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The Duchess was hosting a Halloween fancy dress ball.
All the important people were there, and as they arrived,
the doorman announced what their characters were.

When one couple arrived, he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse."

When another couple arrived, he announced, "Tarzan and Jane," and
so on, as each guest arrived.

Later in the evening, a man arrived dressed only in a tiny pair of
Y-fronts. Apart from that, he was totally naked from head to
toe.

After confirming that the man was indeed an invited guest, the
doorman asked, "How shall I announce you?"

The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation."

"I'm very sorry, sir," said the shocked doorman. "I cannot
announce anything like that to such a gathering."

"Okay then," said the man, "Just say I came in my pants."
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CherryBoomBoom
post Mar 26 2012, 21:25
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Scientists came up with a new way of disguising hearing aids, by covering them with pig skin.
They got loads of complaints about it though.


Too much crackling apparently.


paperbag1.gif
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Astron
post Apr 21 2012, 07:04
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Astron
post May 22 2012, 17:08
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devynethang
post May 22 2012, 18:52
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QUOTE(Astron @ May 22 2012, 12:08) *



Aw, AstroBabe, it says the video is private. sad.gif
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rustyrio
post May 22 2012, 19:39
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I took some viagra with some prune juice today.

I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
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oRichard89o
post May 22 2012, 20:18
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What do you call a singing computer?

A dell
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devynethang
post May 22 2012, 21:46
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Q: What is the difference between a male blond and a female blond?










A: The female has a higher sperm count.
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Astron
post May 22 2012, 22:03
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oooh2.gif




Devy you're lucky, you don't wanna listen to that song. wink.gif
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dixie
post May 23 2012, 17:38
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Two women are having a chat about a concert they are going to when the first woman says, "I haven't been so excited since I won that beauty contest, do you remember?"

The other woman looks at her for moment and then replies, "Yes, but we were playing Monopoly at the time, weren't we?"

This post has been edited by dixie: May 23 2012, 17:39
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daikaioshin
post May 24 2012, 18:34
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QUOTE(oRichard89o @ May 22 2012, 21:18) *

What do you call a singing computer?

A dell


What do you call a singing computer that's been dropped overboard?


A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
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Roger Mellie
post May 27 2012, 10:28
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QUOTE(daikaioshin @ May 24 2012, 19:34) *

QUOTE(oRichard89o @ May 22 2012, 21:18) *

What do you call a singing computer?

A dell


What do you call a singing computer that's been dropped overboard?


A Dell Rolling in the Deep.


What's the difference between Microsoft Windows and a nun? A nun will never go down on you.

Some limericks for you:

There was a man from Ghent
Whose prick was completely bent
To save himself trouble
He put it in double
Instead of cumming, he went

There was a lady from the cape
Who had an affair with an ape
The result was quite horrid
All arse and no for'ed
And one ball hanging down like a grape

There was a vampire called Mabel
Whose periods were exceedingly stable
At the light of full moon
She grabbed a spoon
And drank herself under the table
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Ebenezer88
post May 27 2012, 10:57
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QUOTE
There was a vampire called Mabel
Whose periods were exceedingly stable
At the light of full moon
She grabbed a spoon
And drank herself under the table




Genuine LOL lol_2.gif
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