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40 Pages V « < 36 37 38 39 40 >  
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> Can I tell you a Joke?, a Man walks into a bar and says, "ouch!"
rustyrio
post Jan 14 2012, 21:23
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I entered a wanking contest with some of the other bus drivers at work today.

Nothing happened for about fifteen minutes...

...then three of us came at once.
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Astron
post Feb 2 2012, 13:41
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devynethang
post Feb 2 2012, 14:30
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QUOTE(Astron @ Feb 2 2012, 08:41) *



lol_2.gif thumbsup.gif

This post has been edited by devynethang: Feb 2 2012, 14:30
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stefanino
post Feb 2 2012, 17:03
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The last time I was in the UK, I had the good fortune to witness a new, young snooker sensation in action. This young lady, apart from playing extremely well, has a surprising gimmick: upon winning a match, she celebrates with a series of clever stunts. She can sink a ball while balancing a glass of lager on the back of her left hand, she can juggle 5 bottles of bitter and make a ball bounce off the table and into a spectator's glass of guiness...an awesome spectacle!


Anyway, the last I heard, she was planning on having a go at 'Britain's got talent!'. So, don't foregt! You heard her name here first.... [Beatrix Potter]....





paperbag1.gif
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billybeachboy
post Feb 11 2012, 15:38
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I went on Dragon's Den with my landmine clearing device.
Peter Jones said, "How does it work?"
I said, "I load packets of Haribo into this catapult mechanism and then fire them across the mine field."
He said, "Right, and then?"
I said, "Then we open Jedward's cage."
He said, "I'm going to make you an offer."

I've just had a text from my boyfriend saying he's woken up to a good eight inches this morning. Funny old weather, I only live two roads down and it's hardly even snowing here.
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rustyrio
post Feb 11 2012, 20:09
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I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blowjobs and smoking weed.

She was known as oral high Jean.
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Astron
post Feb 11 2012, 20:25
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rustyrio
post Feb 18 2012, 15:14
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I've been diagnosed with a rare condition which means I can't hear the letter 't'.

I hope my mates don't find out... I'll never hear the end of it.

---

A couple of naked lesbians barged into the house today and started wrestling with my wife while she was in the bath.

I tried to help, but I could only knock one out.
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rustyrio
post Feb 21 2012, 21:08
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My 12 year old son was pissed off with me because I told him what happens in the film he was watching.

I was right though, he did cum on her face.
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devynethang
post Feb 21 2012, 22:57
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QUOTE(rustyrio @ Feb 21 2012, 16:08) *

My 12 year old son was pissed off with me because I told him what happens in the film he was watching.

I was right though, he did cum on her face.

blink.gif Mr. Rio!!! holyshit.gif
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rustyrio
post Feb 21 2012, 23:47
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I bet Rick Astley struggles with Lent...
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devynethang
post Feb 22 2012, 02:41
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QUOTE(rustyrio @ Feb 21 2012, 18:47) *

I bet Rick Astley struggles with Lent...

Being that he's dead, yeah I suppose he does.
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Astron
post Feb 22 2012, 07:58
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QUOTE(devynethang @ Feb 22 2012, 04:41) *


Being that he's dead, yeah I suppose he does.

He's not dead. huh.gif

This post has been edited by Astron: Feb 22 2012, 08:04
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rustyrio
post Feb 22 2012, 08:00
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Rick Astley isn't dead... unsure.gif
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devynethang
post Feb 22 2012, 10:32
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Here we go again.

I've been led to believe he sommited suicide in 2008.

That is it. I'm never going to believe anyone is dead again unless I see it on TMZ!

But I'm glad to know. I always thought he was hot.
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Astron
post Feb 22 2012, 11:07
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So does my mum. lol_2.gif
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Jon30SWales
post Feb 22 2012, 17:19
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A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie.
He decides to test it out on his son at supper.

"Where were you last night?"
"I was at the library."
*robot slaps son*

"OK I was at a friend’s house."
"Doing what?" asked the father.
Son: "Watching a movie. Toy Story."
*robot slaps son*

"OK it was porn!" cried the son.
Father yells "What? When I was your age I didn't know what porn was."
*robot slaps the father*

The mother laughs and says "He certainly is your son."
*robot slaps the mother*
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Astron
post Feb 22 2012, 17:47
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rustyrio
post Feb 23 2012, 19:29
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I left to go to my boyfriend's flat yesterday at 6:40pm. I got the number 23 bus from Morningside Road and 27 minutes later I arrived on Ferry Road half a kilometre (0.310685596 miles) from his flat. It took 10 minutes to walk to his front door and I passed 2 dog walkers, a jogger and 4 cyclists on the way. When I walked into his room I sat down on his beige hungarian leather sofa which he bought as part of a 3 piece set from DFS in 2006 for £800. It was marked down from an original RRP of £1600. There is a faint stain on the right arm rest where I spilled a Big Mac meal on 21st January 2010. Anyway, he sucked me off and then I fucked him in the ass until I came.

Sorry, that was maybe a bit too much information...
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Astron
post Feb 23 2012, 20:11
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