Can I tell you a Joke?, a Man walks into a bar and says, "ouch!" Options

[blablabla500]

Two sausages are frying in a pan. One turns to the other and says 'Jesus, it's hot in here'.

The other turns and says 'Shit! A talking sausage!

[stefanino]

I had a 'man's problem' so my Doctor refered me to a urologist. The urologist was a blond tanned green-eyed 25 year old hunk with a dazzling smile and toned body. He began the examination. After a while he told me that he was sorry, but I would have to stop masturbating. When I asked why, he said: "BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO EXAMINE YOU!"

[ATD]

A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks a clerk for an anal deodorant. The clerk explains that they don't stock such a thing. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The store clerk passes the man on to the pharmacist, who explains that the store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago, and has done for several years. The pharmacist asks the man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product.

The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety. The customer explains that the instructions on the reverse state, "Push up bottom to use."

[devynethang]

This was at the end of an E-mail I got this morning. Its horrible but made me laugh anyway.

Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs...

[foot-loose]

Have you heard the one about a baby seal who walks into a club?

[ATD]

Q. If you are an AMERICAN when you go into the bathroom, and you are an AMERICAN when you come out of the bathroom....What are you WHILE you are in the bathroom?
















A. EUROPEAN... of course!

[foot-loose]

A. EUROPEAN... of course!

That was terrible.

[devynethang]

Q. If you are an AMERICAN when you go into the bathroom, and you are an AMERICAN when you come out of the bathroom....What are you WHILE you are in the bathroom?




A. EUROPEAN... of course!

If you really have to go you might be Russian.

This post has been edited by devynethang: Nov 26 2008, 01:00

[foot-loose]

... that was worse!

[6y7uh]

Q. If you are an AMERICAN when you go into the bathroom, and you are an AMERICAN when you come out of the bathroom....What are you WHILE you are in the bathroom?

A. EUROPEAN... of course!

.............Took me ages to get that!!!!

[Parsifal]

Have you heard the one about a baby seal who walks into a club?

Oh, I hope you don't tell us.

[_Levitti_]

Tip of the day: If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.





Two cows in a field. One turns to the other and says "What do you make of this whole mad cow disease thing?" To which the other replies "Doesn't bother me, I'm a helicopter"






"A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day." She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done..."






Two strangers meet in a bar. "Would you sleep with me for a million pounds?" "Yes, I suppose I would." "How about £100" "What?! What sort of person do you think I am?" "We've already established what sort of person you are. We are now simply haggling over the price."






A man from Poland goes to the optician, who shows him a card with the letters, C Z W X N Q S T A C Z. "Can you read this?" the optician asks. "Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy!"






What do the movies Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?


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Icy Dead People






And finally... Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walked up the aisle of the plane. Both were wearing dark glasses, one was using a guide dog, and the other was tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spread through the cabin, but the men entered the cockpit, the door closed, and the engines started up.

The passengers began glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this was just a little practical joke. None was forthcoming. The plane moved faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realised they were headed straight for the lake at the edge of the airport. As it began to look as though the plane would plough into the water, panicked screams filled the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifted smoothly into the air. The passengers relaxed and laughed a little sheepishly, and soon all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane was in good hands. In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

This post has been edited by _Levitti_: Nov 26 2008, 06:48

[6y7uh]

Have you heard the one about a baby seal who walks into a club?

Oh, I hope you don't tell us.

I really hope that was sarcasm!

[ingleberry]

Two sausages are frying in a pan. One turns to the other and says 'Jesus, it's hot in here'.

The other turns and says 'Shit! A talking sausage!

Made me laugh most out of all the jokes on ere.

[bobbyb]

A man walks into a shop and say's to the shopkeeper, can I have a twirl and a boost please.

The shopkeeper looks at him, spins round and say's 'honey you look fabulous'.





Sooo immature, but seriously one of my favourite jokes ever!!

[foot-loose]

Have you heard the one about a baby seal who walks into a club?

Oh, I hope you don't tell us.

I really hope that was sarcasm!

I didnt like to say anything.

A man walks into a shop and say's to the shopkeeper, can I have a twirl and a boost please.

The shopkeeper looks at him, spins round and say's 'honey you look fabulous'.

Oh, that might be my new favourite joke.



Was it the same same shop that a guy walked into and said to the shopkeeper "can I have a Kit Kat Chunky?" and the shopkeeper looked at him and said "who the fuck you calling chunky, ya bastard?"

?

[Parsifal]

As long as we're telling bad jokes here's one for you.
New York City school children tell it to each other.

Q. How did Staten Island get its name?

A. When Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor (under the Dutch flag) he pointed in that direction and said to his first officer: "Is shtatt an island?"

This post has been edited by ParsifalNYC: Nov 27 2008, 05:30

[devynethang]

As long as we're telling bad jokes here's one for you.
New York City school children tell it to each other.

Q. How did Staten Island get its name?

A. When Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor (under the Dutch flag) he pointed in that direction and said to his first officer: "Is shtatt an island?"

Oh, Boo! Well if we're going down that road... The first joke I ever told anybody was,
"Why did the man jump off the Empire State Building? Because he wanted to be a big hit on Broadway!" Gimme a break, I was like five years old.

[Parsifal]

As long as we're telling bad jokes here's one for you.
New York City school children tell it to each other.

Q. How did Staten Island get its name?

A. When Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor (under the Dutch flag) he pointed in that direction and said to his first officer: "Is shtatt an island?"

Oh, Boo! Well if we're going down that road... The first joke I ever told anybody was,
"Why did the man jump off the Empire State Building? Because he wanted to be a big hit on Broadway!" Gimme a break, I was like five years old.

I shouldn't be picky, but the Empire State Building, which is at Fifth Avenue and 34th Street, is a looooooong block away from the intersection of 34th Street, Sixth Avenue and Broadway.

[foot-loose]

There's some serious american willys being waved in here!