A lady rings her local hospital and this conversation follows:
'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'
'Do you know which ward she is in?'
'Yes, ward P, room 2B'
'I'll just put you through to the nurse station.'
'Hello, ward P, how can I help?'
'I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'
'I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs Tiptree's condition has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.'
'Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!'
'You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?'
'No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2b. Nobody tells you f*ck all in here...'
A lady rings her local hospital and this conversation follows:
'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'
'Do you know which ward she is in?'
'Yes, ward P, room 2B'
'I'll just put you through to the nurse station.'
'Hello, ward P, how can I help?'
'I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'
'I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs Tiptree's condition has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.'
'Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!'
'You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?'
'No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2b. Nobody tells you f*ck all in here...'
A catholic priest was summoned to the Vatican for a three week meeting, but the only substitute available was a young priest with no experience whatsoever.
"I feel up to the challenge Father", said the young priest, "but I am not sure about how to run the confessional. What form of penance do I prescribe for the various sins I will be confronted with?"
The experienced priest left him a list coordinating sins and penance, and reassuring the young man, he left for Rome.
The young priest's first confessional was soon upon him, and he was quite nervous as he stepped into his booth clutching the list his predecessor left him.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have had impure thoughts about a woman I work with." came the first voice.
Nervously the young priest checked his list:
Impure thoughts: see also Adulterous thoughts, Disrespectful thoughts, Murderous thoughts
He then referred to adulterous thoughts and found that 4 hail Marys were appropriate. Relieved, he prescribed the penance.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.", said the next person, "I took $50.00 from my employers desk!"
The young priest looked to his list again, and immediately found:
After assigning the appropriate penance, the young priest calmed down and felt confident in his list to provide him with the appropriate answer. He waited a while until his next confessor arrived.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.", said the man, "I was butt-fucked by another man!"
The young priest again consulted his list. To his dismay, anal sex was not listed. He checked rectal intercourse - nothing. Homosexual experience also showed nothing. He couldn't even find it under butt-fuck, ass-fuck, bottom, arse, everything he looked for was somehow absent from his list.
Finally, he grabbed a choirboy, who just happened to be walking by. He asked quite hurriedly, as he knew the confessor was waiting.
"What does the priest give for a butt-fuck?" he asked
"Oh, sometimes a Mars, sometimes a Snickers." replied the choirboy...
This post has been edited by Sam Hain: Nov 23 2008, 14:06
Group: premium superposter
Posts: 4772
Joined: 23-May 04
From: South Florida, USA
Member No.: 64
I have a wierd sense of humor and I just wanna say the thing that has me laughing is CcH avatar... I fuckin love it I have been meaning to tell you... Mr Bean ROCKS>>>>> one of the funniest men on the planet....
The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town. One day he was walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs Fitzgerald," he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realised that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few moments, the reverend wound up on top of Mrs Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oi Mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub."
The reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps."
The landlord nodded and said, "Oh well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish."
"What does the priest give for a butt-fuck?" he asked
"Oh, sometimes a Mars, sometimes a Snickers." replied the choirboy...
Absolutely superb. I'm still chuckling. All worth it if only for that two lines.
QUOTE(cinmiester @ Nov 23 2008, 19:57)
I have a wierd sense of humor and I just wanna say the thing that has me laughing is CcH avatar... I fuckin love it I have been meaning to tell you... Mr Bean ROCKS>>>>> one of the funniest men on the planet.... Cindy
Thanks Cindy. I still laugh when looking at it even tho I've seen it over and over. Although he is a bit
QUOTE(foot-loose @ Nov 23 2008, 12:55)
QUOTE(ic1male @ Nov 23 2008, 04:31)
I liked it. The joke, I mean.
Are YOU drunk?
Two parrots sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says "do you smell fish?".
Cool, witty, understated. I like! I also like your sigs, you do them yourself dontcha? Very impressed
This post has been edited by CcH: Nov 24 2008, 02:11
just rang dominos pizza and ordered a thin and crusty supreme..... diana ross turned up
Seven English men and an Irishman are in a rape line-up... The victim walks in, Paddy steps forward and shouts "thats her, the miserable bitch"
a vicar books in to a hotel and say's to the women on the reception "i hope the porn channel in my room is disabled" the woman replies "no it's just regular porn you sicko"
Breaking news mick hucknall has been arrested for shagging a rabbit. A police source said they found him 'HOLDING BACK THE EARS' singing " bunnies 2 tight to mention
2 Irish couples decide to swap partners. Afterwards Paddy said to Murphy that's the best f*ck I've ever had, I wonder how the girls got on ?
A wife says 2 her husband, ''Bulls can fuck 3000 times a year, Why can't you?'' The husband replies, ''Ask the bull if he fucks the same cow every night !"
No porn, fakes, personal ads, polls, spam, petitions or lists. Celebrities "Home Sex Videos", stills or pictures from them
are not permitted. No male models. Pictures should be of famous male celebrities over 18. Do not ask for pictures to be emailed to
you or for people to email you for pictures. If you are in any doubt regarding the authenticity or appropriateness of a picture, contact a member of staff before posting. Do not assume you have any rights to post messages on this board. We reserve the right to ban you from the service if the rules are broken. Your IP address may be blocked to restrict you from rejoining. Images are not hosted by this site, they are hosted on individual members webspace. We do not claim any rights over images posted and assume the individual posting the image has permission to do so. If you believe an image should not be displayed here please contact us and request removal of the posting. By posting on the forums, you agree that you remain solely responsible for the content of your messages, and you agree to indemnify and hold us harmless with respect to any claim based upon transmission of your messages. We reserve the right to reveal your identity (or whatever information we know about you) in the event of a complaint or legal action arising from any message posted by you.
BY POSTING ANY MESSAGE OR IMAGE ON THIS SITE YOU ARE CONFIRMING THAT YOU HAVE READ,
UNDERSTOOD & AGREED TO ABIDE BY THE
RULES OF THIS SERVICE
Can I tell you a Joke?, a Man walks into a bar and says, "ouch!"
Nov 23 2008, 03:41
